First Sober Christmas

I feel good today. I can say that today, but I couldn't say it only a few short months ago. For several years, I woke up every day of my life and noticed: "I feel really bad today." Every day was the same, addiction left me feeling terrible all the time. When you feel like that all the time, you really don't care if some traumatic and unforeseen event ripped at you at left you dead. In-fact, when you are addicted, you sometimes pray for death.

Earlier this year I made the decision to quit drinking and doing drugs, and check myself into a drug rehab near Los Angeles. The decision to do this was the best decision I have ever made. My life has changed in so many ways the past few months, and it has all been a change for the better. I feel great every day that I wake up, and I am happy to be alive.

All of this joy and happiness is very wonderful, let me tell you, but that doesn't mean that my struggle with addiction is completely over. There are many times when, even though I have successfully made it through my drug rehab program, I still get uncontrollable urges to throw away the teachings of my 12 step recovery program, and simply use drugs and alcohol.

This is a strange feeling, because even though I know that it will only lead me to feeling terrible all the time, I still crave it. Even though it will ruin all I have worked for, I still crave it. Even though I know that it will make things very bad, and has no good to offer, I still crave it. This -- in my eyes -- is what makes drugs and alcohol so dangerous; even though we realize drugs and alcohol are 100% pure evil, we are still intrigued by, and strive for them.

As I am set to endure my first sober Christmas in years, I am trying to remain calm, happy, and healthy. I am both hesitant and confident, but I think that with the strength and support from my family, this Christmas will be a very happy and sober time that I can enjoy and remember throughout my life.